Please don't buy our house!

So Meg and I bought the first house we looked at, our agent knew what we were after. but even though we were stoked on it, before we made the decision we wanted to see what else was out there. In Tempe, in December 2009, there was a ton of stuff on the market. Most of them sucked: $140k for a run down piece of shit in a so-so neighborhood, or way too much for a decent house somewhere else. We were interested in something that had a mother-in-law apt that we could rent out, as we had rented places and subletted these kinds of apts. We saw a house, advertised as 6 bedrooms, one attached basement apt, one unattached mother-in-law, for around $220k. We checked it out.

We got there, and the agent knocked on the door. She had made an appt, so they knew we were coming. Mohawked, tattooed and braless punker chick answers the door, flopping around everywhere. "Come on in!" The place was a total disaster. Messes everywhere, smelly. It appeared as though there were 10-15 people living there. The basement apt smelled like cooking rotten squid. There was crap everywhere. Meg almost tripped over a little person rolling around in a small wheelchair. Best part: the door-answerer had the "master bedroom." ""Go on back there and check it out!" It was the first thing we looked at, and it freaked out the agent so much she decided to wait outside. Why?

Sex dungeon! As you can see from the photos, handcuffs -- furry and steel, chains, leather, restraint devices, and a wonderful portrait of a dong and balls dildo with empty condom wrappers for eyes and electrical tape eyebrows. Sure, come on in and check out the place!

So we figured they were paying cheap rent to a bank -- it was a foreclosure -- and didn't want to clean the place up because they didn't want it to sell. And since the bank owned it, they didn't give a shit a slong as they were getting something in rent. I hope the hippy sex punkers got to stay a good long time. Thinking back on it now, I should have asked more questions such as "If we buy the place, do we get the double dong dildo?"